THE PLUG PULER

 

I have recently become cognizant of the harsh reality of my mortality! Yes, at some point I will die.

I guess I already knew it was a possibility. I grew up hearing the saying that "nothing is for sure except death and taxes"? Well, I've paid and paid and paid my taxes! So I have to face death, too? Isn't one out of two enough?

Okay. Yes, death is a distinct possibility... probability. I guess I must face the fact and prepare.

My first step - a will.

In order to save money, I purchased a "will making" program for my computer. I loaded the program and input all the important personal data...name, date of birth, etc. I then had to select what documents I would need. I decided on a Living Trust. I based my selection on what friends had told me and I really liked the "living" part of the title. And the word "trust"... who can resist the comforting sound of the word trust?

Type of will designated - check.

Do you want an "advanced health directive"? I thought I had a basic idea of what that meant, but decided to find out the specifics. According to one explanation it is a legal paper letting your physician, family and friends know your health care wishes. The definition was quite elaborate, but it all boiled down to whom you will select to make the decision when to pull the plug.

This is serious. We're talking about someone willing to pull the plug...to end it all...no turning back...

I paused!

I just sat and stared at the computer screen. I had always pictured my death as dramatic and sudden. I would be on stage – just having finished my greatest performance. During the standing ovation and fourth curtain call, I would bow and just keep going. By the time my head hit the stage (given my height it would be a short distance) I would be gone. Evidently this isn’t the only possible scenario.

I had to rethink a few things. This is a decision that can't be taken lightly. It's a life and death decision!

I am sure of one thing - I don't want to be left as a breathing body with no brain activity. Hey, I'd been to college. I know what lack of brain activity is like. I couldn't imagine another 7 years like that.

A decision had to be made...who would be put in charge of my final breath. Being unmarried and having no kids made things rather difficult. The only alternative was to relegate the final task to others. I started to make a list.

My best, best friends were first to be considered. After all the years they had had to put up with me, I felt they deserved first consideration. There was just a slight problem. We were all around the same age. I decided I would make a list based on alternates! I decided to put them in order according to age…congrats, Jim D., you won first place!

After that group was listed, I turned to my more recent friendship (20 years or less). I had two more added to the list. And then I got to the person who should be listed next...and came to a dead stop. No pun intended. This person is a good friend, slightly younger than the rest, and fairly reliable. His "reliability" is the one thing that scared me. He might be a little TOO reliable. He could want to pull the plug before it was even necessary! I thought about it and decided that I would keep him on the list (to honor our deep friendship), but just move him down the list a tad.

When I finished writing down the alternates, I had a list of 15. I included the cashier at the Circle K, the guy at the liquor store, the manager of Starbucks, three employees at Panera Bread, my “reliable” friend's two daughters and finally, my “reliable” friend, No. 15.

Death is not something I want to think about. It’s not even on my “bucket list.” But I do have to come to terms with the fact that I will – at some point – die.

I honestly can’t imagine out-living Nos. 1-14. But if by some miracle I did, it would be nice to know that the plug would be in the “reliable” hands of No. 15!

Now that this really big decision has been sorted out, I can move on to the rest of the will. Hum, who should I leave in charge of all my cra...I mean valuables? I know. I’ll make a list of alternates!

Guess what? No. 15 you are No. 1 on that list!